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October Is National Squirrel Awareness Month for Some Fucking Reason

A photo of a squirrel that says Pay Attention to Squirrels.

October is upon us! For most the month means one thing, and that’s motherfucking Halloween. But it’s not just for ghouls and goblins. October is also, apparently, the month during which all are invited to pay special attention to something we all see regularly, but never much consider: Squirrels.

Yeah, squirrels. According to NationalDayCalendar.com, it’s National Squirrel Awareness Month, for some fucking reason. In honor of October’s most obscure and baffling honorific, let’s take a moment to be Aware of Squirrels.

Take your time.

Good. Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s take a few more moments to consider how fucking dumb it is that there’s a National Squirrel Awareness Month.

National Squirrel Appreciation Month would be one thing. We all take squirrels for granted. And why not? They’re everywhere, and practically worthless. But, they’re still living beings who play their own distinct role in the the world’s ecosystem. Why not take a month to appreciate our omnipresent pals? “Hey squirrels,” we could all say, “It’s October. Good on ya.”

It’s not National Squirrel Appreciation Month, though. It’s National Squirrel Awareness Month. Who isn’t aware of squirrels? Approach any idiot on the street. Ask them, “Did you know that there are such things as squirrels?” Better yet, don’t. Everyone knows that there are such things as squirrels.

Maybe this whole thing only exists because some person actually did take it upon themselves to accost strangers by asking, “Are you aware of squirrels?” The natural response, a blank stare and a squint, may have been incorrectly taken as one of Squirrel Ignorance, rather than confusion at having been asked such a dumb question. This person then may then have surmised that Squirrel Awareness was critically low among the general population, and designated October as National Squirrel Awareness Month in response. Perhaps this was to be the first prong in some kind of public education campaign.

How close my theory is to the true origins of National Squirrel Awareness Month is anyone’s guess. According to NationalDayCalendar.com, its history is “To Be Researched.” These idiots put this dumbass month on their shit site, and they don’t even know how it started, or why.

Anyway, next time you’re outside take a look as a squirrel. Really look. Look at it as if to say, “I see you.” When you’ve done that, go and do literally anything else.

Squirrel Awareness Month. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

#NationalSquirrelAwarenessMonth

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